Who wants to pay $5 a gallon when you can pull out your old skates? Photo by GraphicPhotoArt / Shutterstock
Who wants to pay $5 a gallon when you can pull out your old skates? Photo by GraphicPhotoArt / Shutterstock

You know public transportation is always an option, but have you heard of skitching?

Welcome to summer of 2022.

Last summer, there was nowhere to go. Most simple joys of summer were still closed, from local splash pads to the Blueberry Festival, to prevent the spread of COVID-19. But if you thought you were leaving your house this summer, guess again. Soaring gas prices have put a damper on all our summer plans. At best, folks are adjusting their spending and, at worse, battling with food insecurity.  

You can laugh or you can cry, right? 

But not to worry, here at Cardinal & Pine we’ve been cooking up seven totally legitimate and helpful tips to save money on gas and still enjoy your summer.

1) Public Transportation

Using public transportation is a great way to save money on gas and protect the environment at the same time. Now, I know what you’re thinking. Despite the promise of major federal dollars coming our way for public transport in North Carolina, the current system is relatively useless. But, at C&P, we like to think bigger. By which I mean skitching

A mashup of the words skateboard and hitching, this only slightly illegal form of public transport involves a skateboard, your hand, and the bumper of someone else’s moving car. The pros: free transportation, after initial startup fees for a skateboard, and no wait times. The cons: you never quite know where you will end up. 

2) The Hardy Method

Inspired by Thomas Hardy, the author of Tess of the D’Urbervilles, the Hardy method also will describe the state of your calf muscles by the end of the summer. If Tess of the D’Urbervilles could walk 15 miles from her turnip farm in Flintcomb Ash to Emminster, turn on a dime and walk back, all in one Sunday, you too can just walk everywhere.

Program your GPS to take what’s known in Spanish as Calle Once, Route 11. If you’ve figured out that the number 11 looks like two legs, you’re starting to catch the drift. 

3) Seek Assistance Abroad 

Maybe it’s not so much about driving less, but rather, driving more efficiently. The Canadian government has published some guidelines for efficient driving. They helpfully recommend turning off the AC. 

Do they even have summer there? Thanks, Canada.

4) Free Therapy 

If you’ve already broken a bone or two skitching, consider carpooling as an effective way to cut your gas spending in half. It’s also a great way to learn everything you never wanted to know about your neighbor’s ongoing divorce proceedings. You will never look at binder clips and avocados the same way again. 

5) Man’s Best Friend 

It’s time to break it to Fluffy that he’s no longer just a cute household moocher. Collect a couple of your neighborhood or apartment complex’s canines and harness them up for a Tar-Heel-style Iditarod

Since we definitely don’t have the snow for a true dog sled, you may need to get a little creative when it comes to your ride. You can reconfigure your beach cart for the last great race (it’s not like you’re going to waste the mileage on the beach this summer anyway). Or check in with the folks at the Carthage, NC Buggy Festival—they’re not using that show buggy after May. 

6) The 90s Are Back

This summer the 90s are back, or at least I think they are. Nothing that I’ve seen Gen-Z wearing in their supposed reclamation of 90’s fashion was actually worn in that decade. On the other hand, it’s a lot easier to find inline skates or at least use inline skates in public without being subject to mass ridicule. 

Money Crashers recommends inline skates as a low-cost alternative to driving. And if there’s one thing I know about the state of the economy and global politics, it’s that inline skates will make it better. 

7) Free Delivery

No matter what you feel about the ethics of big box stores, high gas prices mean that it’s time to lean-in to free shipping. Why drive to the store when the store can drive to you? In fact, why drive to the pool when a pool can be driven to you in approximately two days? And it’s even on sale. 

Now follow my logic here: Not only will an above ground pool cut out the costs of travel to beaches, waterparks, and more this summer, but if you happen to mess up the pH and filter instructions, you can also produce enough algae to make biofuel at home

And that’s how Putin made Walmart the biggest supplier of biofuel tech in summer of 2022. 

Editor’s Note: We have to say it: Cardinal & Pine is not liable for the actions readers may or may not decide to take after reading this article.